Finding the path to ‘oneness’

There is something very special about seeing an elderly couple who have been married for many years still walking hand in hand with each other.

For me, it is a beautiful and symbolic way of declaring that they have taken the journey of life together and they still choose to do so.

At some point in a marriage ceremony words along the lines of these will be made: “and they shall become one flesh.” It is an ancient way of describing the marriage relationship and it is filled with promise, potential and possibility.

Promise because when two people marry they begin a lifetime journey together toward “oneness”.

Potential because two people come together with different gifts, personalities, ideas, abilities and backgrounds that can be fused together to achieve what they could not do alone.

And possibility because of all the good that they may achieve together!

It is important to understand then, that oneness is not something that is immediately achieved once a couple has said “I do”.

Oneness is a lifelong journey, taken together and toward which couples progressively move.

I have been thinking about this for some time and recently I came across this description by Chuck Swindoll concerning the topic of oneness. (It’s always nice to find an author who agrees with you!):

Becoming one flesh suggests a process, not an instant fact. Two people with different backgrounds, temperaments, habits, scars, feelings, parents, educational pursuits, gifts, and interests don’t immediately leave a wedding ceremony in perfect unity. It is a lifelong project requiring wisdom, understanding, and knowledge … The whole idea of mutual acceptance, giving, listening, forgiving, belonging, and direction was implied. It is two individuals willingly blending into each other’s lives, desiring to share with and thereby complete the other.

‘One Flesh’ also has to do with the physical aspect of marriage. The sexual aspect of marriage is essential to the marriage as much as the leaving and cleaving. The success of the sexual relationship between husband and wife is directly proportionate to the success of the other areas of intimacy in marriage — emotional, spiritual, intellectual, and social.

What I am aware of though, is that many marriages do not experience this idea of oneness at all, even less are they moving towards it.

The question arises, in spite of the definition just given, what exactly is oneness in marriage?

It is certainly not some “mystical” experience that a couple has and which lifts you to a higher plane in your marriage!

Oneness is essentially a strong bond of unity that is built between a man and a woman as they grow in their love, experience and support of each other through the many changing facets of life.

Interestingly, when Jesus said that He and His Father were “one” it was the same word used to describe a couple when they become one.

In other words, oneness flows directly out of a deep relationship of truly knowing one another.

If this is the ideal for marriage that is held up for us, then how do we get there?

It is tempting to think of oneness as the goal of marriage, but to me that reduces it to one more thing to do in life. Authentic and fulfilling marriage is not about ticking off a list of KPIs to ensure a successful relationship any more than it is about following the “10 Steps to a Successful Marriage” kind of approach.

Oneness in marriage is best seen as a journey or trip that a couple makes together over a lifetime toward a destination of security, wholeness and freedom and it will be a journey that is never quite fully reached because the couple will always be discovering something new along the way!

I describe this journey as the pathways to oneness and I will share some of these with you over the next few months!

A Story to Write

write

WHENEVER I hear Francesca Battistelli sing “Write Your Story” I’m captivated by the idea that God is the Author of my life and He has a beautiful story that He longs to write on every page of the book of my life. And sometimes His story for my life has twists and turns that I would not have included if I was in charge of the writing!

They say
You’re the King of everything
The One who taught the wind to sing
The Source of the rhythm my heart keeps beating

They say
You can give the blind their sight
And You can bring the dead to life
You can be the hope my soul’s been seekin’

I wanna tell You now that I believe it
I wanna tell You now that I believe it
I do, that You can make me new, oh

I’m an empty page
I’m an open book
Write Your story on my heart
Come on and make Your mark

Author of my hope
Maker of the stars
Let me be Your work of art
Won’t You write Your story on my heart

This was certainly true for a young couple who found themselves in the middle of a story that neither of them could have ever imagined.

The bride found herself pregnant outside of wedlock. The groom was not the father but being an honourable man he still went ahead with the marriage. Together they had to endure the sting of the whispered innuendos and pious smirks of people that are so often prevalent in small towns. And in the midst of it all, right at the moment when the baby was due, they had to make a long and difficult journey to fulfil a Government demand for taxation purposes.

I am quite certain that an unexpected pregnancy, public humiliation and giving birth to a child in a filthy stable would not have formed the major plotline had Joseph and Mary been writing the story of their lives. But it was a part of God’s story. In fact, it was a part of God’s story for the whole world!

This story of God’s – the coming of Jesus as Saviour and Lord of the world – had been written eons ago, deep in His heart. It is His response to a creation that had decided they would be responsible for the story of their lives, not the Author of Life. In fact, His story about Jesus was written long before they decided to go their own way.

It is a story as the song above suggests, about a Man who came to give the blind their sight back, life and restoration in place of death and hope to the desperate soul. It is a story that says no matter what the plotline of your life looks like up to this point – pages of wasted, desperate and lonely years – that plotline can be changed when you invite Jesus to become the Author.

No matter how bad your plotline has been, He can make your story new!

And don’t think that when you invite Jesus to be the Author of your life that your new story will be pain and trouble free – just ask Mary and Joseph! There will be twists and turns in the plot that you will never have anticipated but because you can trust the Author, you can also trust Him with where the story is headed. Mary and Joseph discovered this.

On the night Jesus was born the sky was filled with the voices of a myriad angels, singing the praises of the Majestic Author and Creator of the greatest, true story ever told and announcing that the Saviour of all people, everywhere, had come into the world.

They had joy because they submitted in trust to the Author! So, whose story is being written on your heart..?